We won't sleep together?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
