I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
