i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
