my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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