Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize