This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
