So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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