I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
