I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize