i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
