i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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