and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He did a backflip because drugs
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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