would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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