Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize