i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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