Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
