god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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