He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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