this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
