the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
