Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
