I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Randomize
