vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
