My sheets look like a crime scene.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
