Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
