I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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