you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
