I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize