he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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