i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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