whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
