i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
