Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
