Just cropdusted the office
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
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