you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
