Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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