she was so not down for the gang bang
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
