I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
