Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Randomize
