You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize