Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
