so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
