If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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