I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
