I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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