Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
