I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize