So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
