Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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