you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
