Please, let me fuck your mom
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
