what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
