she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
