Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
