Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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