The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
