At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
