She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Damn victory sex feels great
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize