I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
