Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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