So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
FUCK WHALES
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
