You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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