So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
