I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
