You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize