i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
