the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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