Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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