I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
