woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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