The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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