is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
