I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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