shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
