I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
my liver is dry heaving
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
