WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
