I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
