I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Your tits are I can't wait for
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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