We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize