You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
